A single rose...

Gareth was fabulous last night!!!

He started having flashbacks during the day. He didn't have a good childhood and has very bad flashbacks about it now. I'm unlikely to go into any more detail about his flashbacks than this. I came downstairs and he was huddled on the couch shivering and shaking. I spent some time checking he knew who I was and making sure I could hold his hand. His psychologist once told me the worst thing you can do to someone in the middle of a flashback is touch them as they are back in the past and would think it was someone else, its possible he would hit out, scream, be terrified. I used my voice to ground him and once I had his trust to hold his hand we tried touching the dogs ears, wiggling his feet and hands and then finally I asked if I could hug him. I just held him until he stopped shaking and he was confident he was back in the room.

As I prepared to go to bed he told me it was going to be one of "those" nights - this usually means no sleep, lots of flashbacks or psychotic symptoms and a trip to A&E. But not this time. He didn't sleep a wink but instead of phoning the doctors or an ambulance he used all his techniques to try and keep himself calm. Instead of waking me up repeatedly he let me rest while he listened to music, stroked the dogs, did some visualisation, smoked, walked, whatever it took he did it last night!

This is an amazing achievement for Gareth and I'm really proud of him. Borederline Personality Disorder is also known as emotionally unstable pd and controlling or dealing with his unbearable emotions is terribly hard. I know that one day he will be able to do this every time he doesn't sleep because he is determined to be happy, to make me happy and to get better.

This morning he came to town to get a book from the post office - "You'll Get Over It: The Rage of Bereavement" - and he came to my work afterwards bearing a single red rose with a note thanking me for all my support. I adore red roses they are incredibly beautiful flowers. Everyone has been oohing and ahhing over it all day - including me :)